


The Morning After

by walkthatlonesomevalley



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F, Karmy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkthatlonesomevalley/pseuds/walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy wakes up after her random affair with Liam and decides that she needs to tell Karma about it as soon as humanly possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> *warnings: cursing, mentions of sex, super angsty*

The Morning After

Chapter One

The Morning After

Part I

Sometimes the worst thing that can happen to a person isn't that they forget but that they remember. Do you ever forget something important? No, like really important? And I mean the kind of thing that helped to make you who you are? A thing so important that it can never be replaced by something else no matter where you go in life or how you change?

A blanket? A watch? A gift from someone? A memory...

It doesn't have to be physical. In fact, it's worse when it's not.

But remembering can really break you.

In some ways, having a memory feels like magic or a true curse, a cosmic joke, a sleight of hand, something gone becomes real again in a way you can never later deny. For a minute, whether you want to or not, you can forget that what you once had is gone and remember how at one time you had it perfect or horrible or simple somehow. You'll never ask for it but then it'll happen. And once you remember, forgetting can become so hard.

The morning after my mother's wedding, my head pounding from the champagne, body covered in the smell of Liam Booker, laying there feeling sore, all I could think about was Karma Ashcroft. She's all I could think but it wasn't because of what I had done.

Liam Booker had slept with me the night before. We had done bad things because we were both hurt. His taste was still on my lips. His deep masculine smell mingled with my own sweet sweat. The room smelt like sex, it did, and I felt dirty. The first thing I should have thought was, holy hell what have I done?! That's what I should have thought but that thought came later and so did the regret. My mind was playing tricks. Instead of thinking, I felt a memory.

Instead of remembering all the stupid things I had done, instead of knowing that my life had changed and it was all my fault, instead of feeling dirty or feeling the place where Liam had been, my mind flashed back to a feeling I had completely forgotten, a feeling of my life before this year, a feeling that meant Karma and nothing else.

As soon as I woke, I felt calm and thought of her. It was like no time had passed since last year when we did everything together and talked to no one else. I used to wake up with no worries and no cares. I'd know that I was going to be with Karma and she was going to be with me.

It was such a simple feeling and such a happy one. My eyes flashed open and I thought, yes, it's time to see my friend.

Then, of course, I had to remember. And my world came crashing down.

It didn't matter that Liam was gone because I had done a horrible thing. And to be met with that memory first thing upon waking?

I rolled over in bed and violently sobbed.

It occurred to me, almost instantly. that I would probably never have that feeling again, ever. I had complicated things so much. We had hurt each other, said the most nasty things. I had fallen in love with the one person I really shouldn't. And now this thing with Liam, Karma would hate me, I nailed my own coffin shut, I buried myself unintentionally, I had made it easy for her to hate me.

The days of waking up and being happy because Karma was mine and I was hers? Those days were gone, they were the past, and knowing that felt worst of all.

I rolled over and I cried. I roared like a lion whose family had been killed.

Part II

I didn't know how to tell her. I tried to compose a speech in my head but everything came up short. I had spilled my heart out last night, I had done that. God, my head hurt.

I picked up my phone, thinking maybe if I just texted her right away, got it out there, things would be okay. The little white envelope notification was glued to my opening task bar. It was Karma. Of course it was Karma.

Karma: Amy, can we talk?

I had a message from last night around 3am. At 3am I was probably deep in the throes of sloppy drunken revenge sex, feeling Liam's strong soft hands slide their way down my naked sides. God, I was such a slut!

It hadn't been horrible. But it had been all about her. It was REVENGE SEX. SEX FOR REVENGE! The hell was I thinking?! I hit my head with my fist several times before raising my phone back up and opening to send a curious text.

Amy: you awake?

Karma: Yea :*(

Oh great, she was sad.

Amy: what's wrong?

Karma: I can't stop thinking of how shitty I was to you last night…

Fuck… On top of it all, it was now that she felt regret. After I had gone all brutal and rogue and done the shittiest possible thing, on a long list of shitty possible things. NOW SHE WANTED TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THINGS!

Karma: I couldn't sleep at all last night… Where were you?

Amy: I just went home…

With Liam. Just add it, I thought. I went home and slept with Liam. I had sex with Liam. Liam and I had the sex.

Karma: ...

Amy: i have to tell you something…

Karma: Don't. Please… Meet me?

I felt the bile rise in my throat. Of course I would have to see her. Of course we were still friends and not enemies. Just because I confessed my love, that didn't mean we couldn't be friends. I was such an idiot. Such a spaz. Why had I done that thing I had done?!

Part III

I waited at the coffee shop near her house. Lauren was nice enough to drop me off. I was going to walk but once Lauren saw me her eyes went wide. She must've heard me last night with Liam or maybe seen me? There was something in her face that said, oh God, I know everything. Oh God, please look away.

My assumption was only made into fact when she kept her mouth closed on almost the entire drive.

"Meeting Karma?" That was all she had said. I nodded to concur and she avoided my eyes like they could actually just give her the plague.

Even though I had showered and thrown my hair up wet, like I rarely did, I still felt dirty when I walked in through that cafe door. I sat down without ordering a thing and I fidgeted and bit at my nails. I couldn't put it off. I couldn't stop it. Karma was coming and I was going to explode. I would tell her, she would know. I had done a very shitty thing. Very shitty.

All I could think was, WHY DID I DO THAT?!

The door swung open and I saw her and stood. It was like in the movies, where at first, when people see each other, they're so happy they have to pause. She walked to me quick and my arms naturally fell open to catch her in a glorious hug.

"I'm sorry," I said, tortured.

"You didn't do anything," she laughed. I could tell she had been crying cause her eyes had been red. She was sniffling too, like she only did after she cried for too long. She ran her hand down my ponytail and I felt that endearing tug.

I tried to let her go but she hugged me tighter and swayed with me in her arms.

"Come on," she whispered, pulling me along to the counter and ordering us drinks. We sat down at a table and I tried not to stare.

"You can hate me, it's fine." Why would I hate her? What had she done?

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I slept with Liam. I'm an asshole. I told you I did it after you told me you loved me. There could not have been a worse time to be honest. I'm a jerk. You can hate me. I've been waiting to say that all night. Thank God!" She sighed, relaxing a bit and taking a sip of her hot chai latte.

"Karma, I don't care," I scoffed, still feeling guilty. I did care but it wasn't surprising. They had been dating. They almost had sex months ago. Why would that even be a problem? I should've known. I should've assumed. It did hurt when she said it though...

"I think I said that to hurt you," Karma said, looking dire.

"Huh?" I sipped my iced coffee through my straw. What was she on about? Said what to hurt me? "Karma, you're starting to sound like Yoda. I have no clue what the hell you're trying to say." She took my hand and held it in both of hers. Concentrating on her words instead of my own stinking betrayal was actually a bit of a challenge.

"When you told me you loved me and asked me that thing." Her eyes were so pretty. I kept telling myself to look away. "I told you I slept with him. I told you, because I knew it would hurt you."

"Ew," I said, pulling my hand away. "That's actually reeeeeeally shitty..." The ache in my stomach dulled a little bit as I shifted in my chair. She wasn't completely faultless I guess. I shrugged and waited for more comforting words like that.

"I know," she said desperately. "I panicked. You scared me."

"I scared you?" I said, surprised. How could I have scared her. I was boring and lame and predictable and always me. She was always going on about how ordinary she was but I was the ordinary one. This wasn't supposed to happen to me.

"When you told me you loved me... I dunno," she sighed at a loss and looked around as if the answer could be found with the strangers outside or with the half-and-half at the serving bar. "I guess I wasn't okay with it being true," she said honestly. "You're my only real friend," she started in.

"Karma, that's not even true," I corrected.

"It is true," she cut me off. "I love you more than anything. And since when do you know or want anything that isn't food?" She laughed a little, awkwardly. She was trying to be funny but it wasn't helping. My secret was growing inside of me like some unstoppable bacteria.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" I asked. What was her point? I was trying not to relive my confession and what happened and also trying hard not to cry. I had already told her when it had started. Why was she making me do this if she knew that it hurt?

"It's not okay, Amy," she whined. "I hurt you." She moved her chair close and took my hand from my lap, forcing me to let her hold it. Once she was close enough to look at me she even ran a hand along my cheek. She was probably trying to get me to see her but I couldn't look, not after everything. Her touch felt so good. I tried my hardest not to cry.

"Yeah well, I hurt you too," I confessed, still not looking.

"It's not the same," Karma sighed and smiled, happy tears escaping her eyes.

"I slept with Liam." I said it. If I didn't it would haunt me.

"What?" She gasped comically.

"Last night. After I said that to you." I looked at her almost angrily. "How do you know if you don't let yourself try? Remember that?" I repeated my own words, the words I had given her. They spilt out of me like lava.

"Amy…" She sat back in her chair and looked me up and down like she didn't know who she was seeing. Was the idea that unfathomable? "It was stupid and I'd take it back. But I did it and I'm a shitty fucking friend." I scooted my chair out fast and stood up to look down at her. "So it's fine. Just like Monopoly. Get out of jail free. You don't have to feel bad about not loving me anymore."

The words barely left me before my throat closed-up tightly. I walked out fast. I couldn't look at her now. I felt the tears coming two steps before I reached the door. I had forgotten I was stranded. I kept walking. I could use the walk.


	2. And Now You Want To Ask Me How

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy tries to tell Karma what it feels like to be with her now but it's too hard.

Chapter Two

And Now You Want To Ask Me How

Part I

I couldn't imagine what she must be thinking. I walked quickly away from the cafe and plopped down on some grass to cry once I felt far enough to be mistaken for shrubbery.

"Idiot!" I chastised myself.

"Amy?" I heard Karma's concerned voice following me out. Her footsteps had been so quiet, I didn't even know she had been there all along.

Damnit, I thought. What did she want?!

"Amy?" She yelled, not seeing me. I looked up to see her desperately scanning the street.

"I'm right here, Karma," I squeaked.

"Amy…" She kneeled down next to me on the grass not caring if the grass would stain her light blue jeans.

"I'm the worst," I cried, hiding my face in my knees.

"Amy, you're not," Karma tried. She had her hand on my back and she was hovering close near my body.

"I'm so stupid!" I cried. "I screw everything up!"

"You haven't done that!" Karma fought harder. She probably wanted to shake me. I felt her hand rubbing my back. "Can we talk about this please?" She asked sweetly.

"Why are you even still here?" I stared up at her.

"Because I love you Amy," Karma said.

"Just not like that," I repeated like a fucking ass.

"Amy, did…" She was about to ask a question but she stopped herself.

"What?" I asked.

"Did you sleep with him just to prove something?"

"Are we really talking about this?!" I asked. "Can't we just pretend it didn't happen?" I felt my tears choke at me again.

"I can't do that," Karma said solemnly, showing pain. She must've known it hadn't been for pleasure, the sex.

"Are you okay?" Karma asked.

"Jesus, Karma! What the hell does it look like?!"

She plopped her butt down next to mine.

"God, look at us," Karma smiled in that stressed out way and I knew exactly why. We were so complicated it was actually comical. "Did you like it at least?" Karma asked, staring over at me. She wasn't even mad. It was like she wanted me to have liked it.

"No," I shook my head sadly and met her eyes. More tears escaped me. "I was mad at you and drunk and I just wanted to be normal." I felt the air in my lungs falter. Saying it out loud felt so fucking stupid. "I didn't care what it felt like. I just wanted to change," I choked out through my sobs.

Karma was watching me sadly, she brushed the heel of her hand over my cheekbone to wipe the tears. And she pulled my hair-tie off and ran her fingers through my hair. I could tell she was just looking at me, thinking I was pretty, and smelling my shampoo. Somehow that made it all worse. Why couldn't she just love me back?!

"I'm glad you don't change," she said lovingly. My lips pursed tightly and I laid my head down again.

"How'm I supposed to be happy?" I asked.

"Come 'ere," she said, stirring me and opening her arms.

"I can't, don't," I said, wanting to fight her.

"I'm not giving you a choice," her eyes were crying too. She stuck her legs on either side of me and pulled me down into her arms. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and began to wail. As she held me I felt myself give up. She knew everything now and it still didn't help.

Part II

We spent all morning together lounging around at my house. She made me breakfast and braided my hair. Lauren came out randomly and seemed to be watching us. For some reason, ever since the wedding she had started to seem like my protector. I felt an instant closeness to her now. I was grateful for her.

"What's with Lauren?"

"She knows it all…"

"You talked to her?" Karma seemed shocked.

"It was the toast…" I said. "She figured it out and chased after me but I was with you… Apparently she heard everything."

"What do you mean everything?" Karma asked nervously

"Come on Karma," I pathetically mimicked my naive fucking self from the night before. "Jump off the edge with me." I had to hold at my head just thinking of it. The hangover was strong and painful today.

"You were sweet," Karma said.

"I was an idiot," I felt extremely defensive about it.

"You were romantic," she was trying to make me feel good. She pulled me into lay on her again. We were on the couch and cuddling. She wouldn't let me be away from her and I felt soft in her arms, completely hungry for her touch and refusing to hide it. When she touched me now I let my body show how it felt. I let my eyes stutter and my breath catch audibly. I wouldn't hide it anymore. I wanted her to just see how much she affected me, how much I craved her all of the time.

"I like when you let me touch you like this," she crooned almost amazed. She was watching me feel her. "I can't believe I didn't notice this," she almost whispered, admiring me. I swallowed hard in my throat. I didn't want to cry anymore but it all hurt too much.

"What?" I asked, feeling tortured and delicate, in love.

"How much I affect you," she stared into my eyes for much too long. I moved off of her to stop it all.

"Want a soda?" She looked at me sadly. She hadn't wanted me to move. She wanted to touch me so that she could watch me and see. She wasn't sickened by me and somehow that almost made it worse.

"You don't have to feel bad," she whined, knowing why I had moved.

"Don't you get it?!" I asked, taking a soda out of the fridge and slamming it down on the counter. I stopped myself from speaking and opened the can, drinking it down. It burned in my throat making me antsy.

"Tell me," she said, seeing how I bit my words back and swallowed them down. She turned around on the couch so that she could better see me. "Amy, come on," she pushed.

"It's not fair," I choked out. "I want you to touch me so bad but it's not real."

"Amy, what's not real?" She seemed skeptical.

"You touch me and I feel it. I want you. And what do you want?" I asked.

Karma was quiet and I really didn't know what she was thinking.

"I wouldn't touch you if I didn't want to," she said, as if realizing it only right then. Why the fuck did she say things like that?! This was my whole entire fucking problem! She was so fucking sweet to me, she was always so sweet. And I knew it was honesty. She was being honest. What the hell was I supposed to do with all that?!

"So, what?! You want to tease me?!" I asked bitterly. "Lets torture Amy! Isn't is cute?! Look how she suffers! Look how she wants me?"

"Amy, no," Karma gasped seeming disgusted. It certainly hadn't occurred to her before. She never meant to hurt me on purpose. I didn't want to walk back to the couch.

"All I want is for you to hold me, you know that?! That's all I want all the time."

"So, let me hold you," she said as if life could ever really be that fucking simple.

"I need to get over you," I said. "I'm too weak Karma, it's not fair." She turned back around on the couch and sat down with her back to me. I was trying to be strong but how could I given the circumstance? She hadn't done anything wrong, not really. All she wanted was to sooth me and mend all of my wounds. I found myself thinking of Katniss and Peta in the forest in The Hunger Games. I choked in the kitchen feeling bitter.

"You're not leaving me any options," she choked out through her tears. Since her back was to me I didn't know until she spoke that she had started to cry.

"Karma, I hate this," I said walking over to her. I knelt down in front of her and took her hands in my own. "It hurts to be with you, okay? That's not your fault. You didn't do it." I shook my head in my tears and squeezed her hands really tight. "I don't want to be without you but this is worse. It's like false hope or something. It's dangerous, it could break us." She didn't get it. She couldn't get it.

"I can't be without you," she said, knowing it. I searched her honest eyes, feeling trapped. She was crying and I had caused that. All of this was my fault, not hers. She had been the best of best friends and I had fucked it all up, all of it.

"But.. I'm in pain, Karma…" I couldn't explain it. "If you want me to just suffer I guess I will but it's not right… It shouldn't be this way. I'm not going to pretend I'm not craving you 24/7-"

"I don't want that, Amy," Karma cut in. "I want you to be yourself."

"Myself wants YOU," I said, standing up. I paced the room just thinking of how hard this all was. "I'm breaking when you walk into a room and I'm breaking when you look at me that way and I'm breaking when you touch me because I can't, I can't have you," It was all getting so dramatic and I just wanted to die.

Karma turned into the couch to cry. I crawled up and made her hug me and I held her.

"We're changing," she wept, holding me tight.

"I don't want it," I cried too. It was like we were finally admitting it, this thing we'd both been feeling and not talking about for way too long.

"I know," she said. Neither of us wanted to be in so much pain. We loved each other and that had always been true.

Lauren came out of her room, she probably heard my loud choked voice. She gave me a blushed look of worry and turned quickly away. She obviously came out to save me or help but what could she do?! There was nothing she could do. I held onto Karma and swallowed my bitterness.

"Lauren," I said. "Hey, Lauren."

"What?" She asked, wanting to do something, anything and be of help.

"Can you make us nachos?" I asked.

She could tell I was still crying from last night.

"Fine," she said, pretending she hadn't come out of her room to make sure I was okay. "But only because I was going to be making some anyway."

I chuckled into Karma's ear and she chuckled back, holding onto my arm.

"It feels so good to hear you laugh," she whispered.

I felt my heart twist in my chest. Holy fuck, I wanted to keep her.

Despite all that had been said, neither of us wanted to move. It was like we were clinging on now to all that we were and all that we could ever be.


	3. Don't You Want Me Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren gets Amy to talk to Karma about her feelings.

Chapter Three  
Don’t You Want Me Baby

Part I

We tried to talk it out. Karma didn’t care about Liam. She didn’t care that I had slept with him for revenge. All she cared about was us. Even after my confession and then hers, all she cared about was us!

Lauren made us her fancy nachos. She followed a lot of crazy people on Youtube who made these gourmet things like 8 layer nachos or volcano nachos with fresh 18 ingredient guacamole. It took her over an hour to invent something simple but I shut the hell up and I helped her grate all the cheese because she was my friend now and that was fucking obvious.

Plus, it was nice being with her that way. We laughed a little. When she smiled she was a whole different person. When she smiled I felt like an ass for all the times I had been a jerk to her.

Karma watched old episodes of Glee on netflix. She always did stuff like that when she was sad. I just watched her from the kitchen and felt horrible. I couldn’t talk to her. I needed to avoid her. Lauren and I would yell at the screen every now and then though, we both felt the same way about Glee. We mostly loathed it. But I held my tongue through most of it because I knew Karma loved it and I didn’t want to ruin her happy thing. We were both obviously fucking depressed.

“What’s going on with you?” Lauren asked. We had gone to her room to find an old cd. I think it was an excuse though because Lauren brought it up and we hadn’t been listening to music at all. 

“I told her about Liam.” I said.

“And she’s still in there?!” Lauren was almost shocked.

“She doesn’t care,” I said, holding my arm. It was surprising to me too.

“What were you yelling about before?” Lauren wanted to know it all and since Shane wasn’t there she was my next best option for damage control.

“I was trying to tell Karma that we should spend some time apart…”

“And she didn’t leave.” Lauren’s face seemed almost blank.

“She cried.”

“Shit.”

“I know,” I sighed, feeling miserable and sad and just so fucking horny and stupid for feeling horny. “She wants to hold me. She was touching me and watching me,” I said.

“Ew.” Lauren said shortly. “That’s kinda gay… No offense.” I watched Lauren’s face go through all the emotions and settle definitively on pity.

“I know…” I sighed. It was my problem. Mixed signals were real. It hadn’t all been in my head. The more I thought about it, and the more loving Karma reacted to me, the more I realized that I wasn’t a complete space-case. I was seeing things that were actually fucking there.

“This isn’t right…” Lauren said.

“Why do I want her so bad…”

“You’re in love, dumbass.”

“Yeah but.. How? I mean, if she doesn’t love me back why the fuck would I still be into it.”

“She’s your best friend,” Lauren explained. She seemed exacerbated with me. I somehow felt that I was the only one who couldn’t understand the situation. 

“Thanks for making us nachos,” I said.

“It’s fine.. I’m just worried.”

“You don’t have to be, I’m not dying,” I said sorrowfully.

“Trials of the heart can be worse than death,” she said flatly, grabbing onto my arms and almost jolting me to attention. “Sorry,” she said, realizing what she had done.

“It’s okay,” I laughed.

“What are you guys doing?” Karma drifted sleepy into the space and draped herself sideways over Lauren’s big lazy chair. Now that everything was out in the open it was almost like she had become even more sexy than she ever was before. I felt myself become defeated as I looked at her there in the chair. She winked at me sweetly.

“Fuck,” I said.

“What?” She asked, growing serious. She obviously didn’t realize how sexy she was almost constantly, especially with me. 

“She’s fucking attracted to you, dumbass,” Lauren said angrily. She was addressing Karma and not me.

“Hey,” Karma said, taking offense. She sat up in the chair and got up to walk over to me.

“She’s sort of right,” I said, holding onto my arm.

“You just drifted into this space like you were fucking Grace Kelly in High Society. Have some fucking consideration. She’s practically jizzing in her pants. Look at her!” Lauren had an odd way of sticking up for me.

“I.. don’t… do that,” I laughed awkwardly. Karma looked over at me apologetically. She didn’t know how to be and honestly neither did I.

“Yeah, no duh. You’re not trans, you’re just a lesbian.”

“Iiiii yeeeeahhh…”

“Lauren, stop, you’re making her uncomfortable,” Karma said. She walked to my side and hugged me to her. 

“I’M MAKING HER UNCOMFORTABLE?!” Lauren yelled.

“Oh boy,” I sighed.

“THE GIRL JUST TOLD YOU SHE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU ARE STILL EYE-FUCKING HER AND BEING THIS AMAZING FUCKING PERSON WHO WANTS TO HOLD HER AND TOUCH HER EVERYWHERE AND GOD KARMA, THAT’S GAY!”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that,” Karma said. “Do you?” She turned to ask me, scanning my eyes and lips, and I felt like shrinking from the room but I was stuck there immobile.

“YES! SAY YES!” Lauren tried to order me.

“It’s what I was trying to say before,” I shrugged. I couldn’t look at Karma, she obviously didn’t get it. “I love you but it’s hard.”

“She loves you but you’re gay for her without being gay for her,” Lauren explained in more relatable terms.

“You are making no sense Miss Cooper.”

“KARMA! I CARE ABOUT AMY!” Lauren stomped. 

“She does,” I agreed with a matter-of-fact smile.

“SHE CAN’T TAKE THIS! SHE’S NOT LIKE US! SHE’S WEAK!” 

It was okay when I said it but when Lauren said it…

“Are you just going to let her talk about you like that?” Karma asked. “Sweetie, you’re not weak.” Uck, she was even calling me sweetie now.

“Karma…” I whined. Lauren wasn’t wrong. She really wasn’t.

“See!” Lauren said. 

I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. Lauren suddenly seemed more right than Karma did. I tried using words with Karma and it didn’t work. Maybe Lauren’s scare tactics would do the trick.

“Okay,” Karma sighed. “I’ll bite.” She let go of me and allowed me to stand on my own. It felt lonely but a little less heated. “Are you trying to tell me that Amy is such a horny boy that she can’t take me touching her?”

“YES! THANK GOD! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND!” Lauren walked out of the room and left us there. She just dropped a fucking bomb and said peace-out.

“Amy?”

“Huh?” I tried to play aloof.

“Is that true?” She knudged my shoulder cutely with her body.

“Karma… Don’t… Please…” I wanted to cry. It was like she hadn’t been hearing me at all.

“Is it…” She touched my arm with her hand and saw my body twitch. “It is,” she seemed to realize. 

“I want you,” I said pitifully. “I’m gross.”

“You’re not gross,” she whined.

“I’m a horny teenage boy. You’re my catnip. I’m disgusting.”

“Amy, no,” she looked like she wanted to hug me and I backed away.

“This is why I said I needed space. You don’t get it. You don’t see.”

“I see,” she said, pulling me close to her anyway and wrapping me in a hug. I heard her smell me.

“You just fucking smelled me, Karma…”

“So?! I always smell you! You smell good!”

“KARMA!!!” WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER?!

“IF YOU TWO ARE TOUCHING I’M GOING TO GET MY RAPE TAZER!” Lauren called from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” I whined. 

“Stop being sorry,” Karma said. “Here,” she said, smiling. She looked down at my lips with her eyes and then leaned in close.

I didn’t know what was happening but my lips fell into hers and I realized she was kissing me. My eyes drifted shut and I felt myself swimming in her pleasantly away from the world. Her mouth opened almost instantly and she was tasting me soft and special, kissing me so sweet. It was like the threesome only sweeter because she wasn’t scared and she wanted to be doing it. There was no one here to watch. This was obviously for us.

“Uhhh,” I whined, feeling breathless and falling into her.

“Mmmm,” she hummed back. “We’ve been faking it so long, what’s the hurt in a little play?” 

I stood there stunned as she turned and slapped me hard on the ass, leaving me alone in Lauren’s room.

This whole communication thing was only making everything worse. I fell down on Lauren’s bed and hugged myself up to her over-sized stuffed dog.


	4. Fight Fire With Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren gives Amy a little advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *title of the song: Fight Fire With Fire (a lovely song by Kansas)*  
> IN RESPONSE TO THE COMMENTS ON FF.NET:  
> *i dunno if you guys missed the memo but karma ashcroft LOVES to be loved, it’s like her whole mission in life, especially to be found sexy and to be loved for who she is*  
> *so, with this fic, karma loves that amy loves her. and honestly, in the show, i’ll be surprised if karma starts treating amy differently instead of being lovey with her like she always has been. so yeah, i don’t think she’s being mean but i do think she’s getting off on it a little bit. she obviously loves amy regardless of whether or not her love will ever tip over to super sexual, i think karma has always wanted to make amy happy so teasing her is both fun and rewarding for her but it could get amy reeeeeeeeeeeeally angry because as you’ve all noticed, it does come off as sort of criminal behavior*  
> *Karma NEVER does anything specifically to hurt Amy! THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN TRUE! THE ONLY THING SHE DID THAT WAS CLOSE TO INTENTIONALLY HURTING HER OUT OF SPITE WAS TELLING HER ON THE NIGHT OF THE WEDDING THAT SHE SLEPT WITH LIAM. SHE HAS DONE NOTHING ELSE TO AMY OUT OF MALICIOUS INTENTION OR SPITE.*

Chapter Four  
Fight Fire With Fire

Part I

I watched the pink dashed numbers flash on Lauren’s stupid digital clock.

“What are you doing?!” She asked, interrupting.

“Just let me die,” I whined. Karma had kissed me and it had felt amazing.

“She did this.” Lauren deduced.

“Uh-huh,” I concurred, allowing my head to spin and my heart to flutter. Karma Ashcroft tasted like mmmmm...

“What the fuck did she do to you?!” Lauren stood back on her heels and crossed her arms. “KARMA ASHCROFT!!!” Lauren screamed, “YOU GET YOUR LITTLE BUTT IN HERE RIGHT THIS SECOND!”

Karma peeked her head around the corner and turned into the room, leaning her body on the doorframe and staring at Lauren and then at me.

“What’s up?” Karma asked. She was sipping coffee, completely relaxed. Her eyes looked sleepy. She hadn’t been lying. She did stay up all night. She had been sad. I remembered the morning for a second before snapping back to reality.

“Do you see this?” Lauren asked, pointing at me.

“Of course,” Karma smiled. She loved seeing me. She always had.

“Did you do this?”

“Did I DO what?” Karma laughed. She was probably thinking DO as in FUCK. Since it was Karma’s mind I knew it well. Despite myself I smiled briefly. Luckily my mouth was tucked into the fake fur of Lauren’s soft stuffed puppy.

“She’s in my room.” Lauren said, dropping her arms to pace. “She’s in my room and she’s on my bed.” She turned to Karma. “Amy doesn’t do that. She’s never done that. Why is she doing that?! Why Karma?! WHY?!”

“Okay, are you guys going to stop being weird soon? This morning has been kind of intense.” She was beginning to whine. “Can’t we just sit on the couch and eat nachos and have a normal day where we’re not over analyzing every stupid little thing?!”

It was the most sense being spoken. Still, somehow, I felt unable to move.

“Uck. Just go away,” Lauren said flatly. “Go watch your stupid show, wish your stupid coffee, you stupid stupid girl.”

“Hey,” Karma whined, turning and judging her.

“You coming Aim?” She asked sweetly. 

“Yeaaaa,” I whined.

“Don’t talk to her. Just go,” Lauren said, staring daggers into Karma’s back.

Once Karma left Lauren shut the door.

“Get up,” Lauren said.

“Why?”

“Get your lazy ass up, right the fuck now.” She walked to me and pulled her doggie away, yanking me up by my wrist.

“Ow,” I cried.

“Sorry.” She looked at me. 

“Okay, here’s the thing.” She was whispering. “Your friend is a bit of a little shit. I mean, I can get rid of her, I have my ways. But I think it’d be better if you fight fire with fire.”

“Fire with fire…” I repeated, mulling it over in my mind.

“If she fucks with you, even a bit. If she makes you uncomfortable. If she takes liberties she doesn’t deserve-” Her mind must’ve been racing because her mouth certainly was. “WHAT EXACTLY DID SHE DO?!” She yelled in frustration. It must’ve been bugging her to not know. I wondered why though. 

“You don’t wanna know,” I groaned. Why would Lauren want to know how weird me and Karma were? She already thought we were freaks. Perhaps it was because we had been in her room and near her stuff. That seemed fair enough. I’d want to know if Lauren had sex in my room. I’d want to sterilize things and throw things in the trash and maybe perform a room cleansing ceremony just to be safe.

“I actually really do.” She said flatly.

“Fine…” I relented, taking a step closer so that I could whisper. “She kissed me.”

“What do you mean kissed you?” Lauren crossed her arms again and looked up at me. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

“She… She kind of… She made-out with me a little.”

“HERE?!” Lauren asked.

I nodded.

“IN MY ROOM?!”

I nodded again.

“JUST NOW?!”

“Yea,” I whined. How many times was I going to have to answer the same stupid question.

“GODDAMNIT!” Lauren yelled and stomped her foot. She took a step forward and pushed me hard with both of her hands. I fell back onto her bed, my ass landing in the pillowy comforter that billowed up around me. Lauren looked down at me in shock. “Wow! Sorry! Didn’t mean to push you…”

“It’s fine,” whatever. 

“FIRE WITH FIRE!” Lauren said.

“Lauren, what does that even mean?”

She fell down onto her knees and crawled towards me until she was sitting up in front of me, close enough so that I could hear it if she whispered, which she did.

“If she thinks she can just kiss you, you kiss her right back.” She was looking at me so intently.

“I did,” I said, shrinking a bit. Lauren had really pretty eyes. I had never been this close to them before. 

“No Amy, you KNOW what I mean,” her eyes flared.

“Okay,” I thought it through. Karma had been kissing me and I had been letting her. I didn’t fight her and I didn’t just take her either. I could’ve taken her. I could’ve shown her that I wanted her even more. I could’ve held her face with my hands and turned myself into the aggressor. I could’ve moved my body into hers and pushed her back until we fell onto Lauren’s bed and I kissed and kissed and kissed her all on top of her body and feeling her like I reeeeally wanted to. I could’ve made her confused and hot and scared her off out of my life. I could’ve done that.

*SNAP SNAP SNAP* I looked up to see Lauren’s hand snapping in front of my eyes.

“EARTH TO AMY!”

“Sorry,” I said again.

“Do you get it?!” She asked. 

“It’s worth a try,” I gulped. None of this was going to be easy but at least Lauren had given me something. If Karma thought it was okay to kiss me like that I shouldn’t find it wrong at all to go deeper and try something I want. Talking wasn’t helping anyway.

“Come on, nachos are getting cold.”

Lauren turned toward the door but she held her hand out to me and I took it. Her hand was soft in mine and I liked it.

“Lauren?”

“What?”

“Thanks,” I said.

“Don’t mention it.”

“I mean it though.”

“I know.” She said. We were like this now. I liked it.

Part II

Nachos, soda, coffee, what have you. I sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table to try and get some space. Lauren sat up on one side of the couch and Karma sat on the other. Groundhog’s Day was on tv so we were all watching it for 500th time.

The nachos sat in front of me on a long cookie sheet covered in foil. Almost every time anyone would grab a nacho they would look down at me and check on me. It was weird. I felt like I was being babysat or something.

“I can’t eat anymore.”

“Me neither,” I said. The sooner the nachos went away the sooner they would both stop doting on me.

“They were delicious though,” Karma said, looking over at Lauren.

“Of course they were, I made them.” 

“Ooookay,” Karma said, tilting her head away. I looked back at her and she smiled down at me, a bit of a wild and frustrated blush was in her cheeks. Lauren made everything hard for her and I had to love her for it.

“I’d love to keep you ladies company all day but I’ve got yoga in an hour.”

“You can’t go!” I whined, looking back at her.

“Really?” Karma asked, looking down at me. I felt myself shrink from her gaze like a puppy.

Lauren had been checking her wrist watch. She walked in front of the tv so that it wouldn’t be so weird if I looked at her. 

“It’s only an hour long. The morning instructor doesn’t even know how to do a Crow pose or anything like that. It’s a big mess. My schedule is completely screwed up.”

“Poor you,” Karma teased. 

“Shut it.”

Lauren walked away to her room and Karma tapped my shoulder.

“You actually want her here?”

“Well.. Yeah,” I said.

“Why? She’s like an angry babysitter.”

“She made us nachos.”

“Yeah and made us both feel weird for a solid two hours.”

“She wasn’t making me feel weird.” Might as well say what I was feeling. The only thing making me feel weird was Karma.

“Come up here, sit with me,” Karma said, reaching her hand down and grabbing my wrist to lead me up.

“Amy?” I heard Lauren call from her room.

“I better go see what she wants.”

“Really?!” Karma was really annoyed by my new friendship with Lauren.

“She’s my sister now.”

“Awwww,” Karma did forget. Her face softened greatly at those words from my mouth. Of course she had forgotten. She dropped my wrist and I went off to check on Lauren.

“Hey,” Lauren said, seeing me through her mirror. “Can you get this?” She pointed back behind her. She had a dress on that wasn’t zipped.

“Oh, sure,” I said, moving up behind her and pulling it up. I brushed my hands over the fabric as if it needed to be straightened, but it didn’t. 

“Thanks,” Lauren said, dipping her eyes. I watched her undo the clasp on a small necklace. She held both halves back behind her and I took them. It took me a while to get it to stay. When I was done Lauren looked at me through the mirror. She inhaled.

“You’re not going to yoga,” I noted.

“I dunno why I said all that. I think I feel bad about leaving you.” She turned around in her chair. Her dress was adorable. She looked like a 1950’s housewife and I had no doubt she’d have old fashion heels to match. “Maybe I shouldn’t leave,” she said sadly. “You need me.” She took my hands in hers and I knelt down to take them.

“You look nice,” I said. “I’ll be fine.”

“Hmpf,” she blew a stray hair from her forehead. 

“Are you going on a date?”

“I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I should just stand him up.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re going through a crisis and it’s not like Mom’s here to chase Karma away. Someone should protect you.”

“I don’t need anyone else to chase Karma away.”

“Amy…” Lauren groaned. She reached a hand out and wiped my hair from my face. I felt my eyes soften at her touch. “You’re sweet,” she said. I knew she was probably thinking other things though like, you’re weak. Or you’re not capable of doing much at all now are you? Somehow though, there wasn’t anything judgmental or condescending in her tone.

“You’re too pretty to stay,” I smiled, standing up.

“Fine,” she said, blushing. She turned around and pinned back her bangs. “Get me those shoes,” she said, pointing to a black box that sat by her closet. I fumbled to reach them and took them out. They looked beautiful with her coral dress. I took the stuffing out and she lifted her foot up. 

I tucked them on her feet one-by-one and she stood up when I was done. Her dress was pretty short but it didn’t look trashy or cheap. It looked thick and elegant.

“You always look so classy,” I sighed.

“I know,” she said with a smirk. She lowered her hand down to pull me up.

Once I stood, she held at my shoulders.

“Remember,” she said. “Fire with fire.”

“Fire with fire,” I agreed. Unexpectedly, she pulled me in for a hug. 

“I’m just so sorry that all of this is happening,” she said sadly. When she pulled away she looked like she was about to cry.

“Lauren?” I said. But she had already picked up her purse and walked out of the room. I chased after her but even in heels she was quick.

“Don’t be a bitch,” I heard Lauren mutter to Karma’s back before exiting the house and slamming the door.

 

Part III

“What the hell was that?!” Karma asked.

“I… Don’t know,” I said sorrowfully, hugging myself.

“Where the hell is her yoga class? At the fucking Ritz?!”

“She had a date, she lied.”

“Why?! God, she’s so weird,” Karma was eating a strawberry. She must’ve rummaged through the kitchen while we were out. “Come ‘ere you,” she said, noticing me at last. She held her hand out and I grabbed it. She pulled me down to sit by her and I fell onto my knees at her side. “What’s a matter? What did she do?”

“She didn’t do anything, she’s great,” I said.

“God, what’s going on with you,” she said, looking at me too close and wiping my hair out of my face again, it kept falling because I kept looking at the ground. “Here,” she said, holding a strawberry up to my mouth.

I took it from her hand with my own and bit into it sadly, dropping my hand and feeling defeated. 

“Stop,” she said, noticing my mood. I looked up at her and she searched my eyes. “You’re still not okay…”

What could I say. I just looked back at her and stared, taking in her eyes and her lips and wanting to lean in and kiss her again.

Fire with fire, the words flashed in my mind. I felt my heart race. Karma smiled queerly, she must’ve noticed my shift

“Ah, fuck it,” I said, dropping the strawberry on the floor and pushing forward with all of my wanting and weight. I covered her with my body and kissed her deeply, tasting sweet strawberries and her own surprised gasp.


	5. I'm Burnin' For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kissing isn't the complicated thing...

Chapter Five  
I’m Burnin’ For You

Part I

“Uhhh,” I gasped into her mouth, answering her as I pushed. The strawberries were a bad idea, they had only made Karma taste better. 

“Huhh,” she whimpered, losing herself. From the looks of her body she seemed excited and accepting. She didn’t push me away and the look on her face was actually sort of blissful. I felt myself smile into her mouth as I let my hand drop to her bare-waist and slide slowly up her naked side beneath her shirt. “Mmm! Whoa!” Karma said, stopping my hand at the hem of her bra. She had woken up from her revelry. I watched as she crawled back away from me. “Amy stop,” she said seriously, holding her hands out in front of her and panting.

“I want you,” I said, my eyes locked with hers, my chest rising and rapidly falling. I was on all fours with her legs beneath me. If I crawled up just a little bit more I could sit on her lap and kiss her. “I’ve been trying to tell you all day. I can’t stop this. This is how I feel.”

“Look, before. It’s okay if we kiss but this…” She looked away.

“What?”

“This is… Amy…”

“It’s what?!”

“I don’t know what to say,” she stopped.

“You don’t like it?” I asked.

“No, I like it. It felt good, you feel good, but...” She held herself awkwardly.

“But?”

“Amy, I already told you.”

“But you like it. I can tell that you like it. I saw you, I was watching.” She hadn’t stopped me until I touched her skin. If I had stopped at the kissing we’d probably still be doing that now. I wished I could go back, rewind. Stop my hands from being greedy. How long would she let me kiss her like that? How long would Karma really truly like it before getting bored or just deciding that she shouldn’t want to want me?

“That’s not the point,” Karma said.

“So, what’s the point?!” I sat up on her ankles and held my hands at her knees, watching her. I wanted to understand her, I just didn’t. She was saying we could kiss but we couldn’t touch? Was this because we’d already done as much already?! What if we had gone through with the threesome?! Would she have kicked me out then too?

“I don’t know,” she said nervously. I could tell she felt badly. She had that stormy look in her eyes, the one she only gets when she’s overwhelmed. It was the look she had at the threesome BEFORE I kissed her. Also the look she had right AFTER Liam kissed me.

“I didn’t mean-” I didn’t want to be giving her that look.

“It’s fine, I confused you,” she said, moving her legs. We both got up.

“You’re leaving?”

“I think you were right before…” She said, decidedly, not looking at me. I sat back down. It was there again, that painful gut-wrenching feeling that Karma couldn’t love me, she just couldn’t.

“Maybe you need space. It’s not right for me to be here.”

“Wow,” I exhaled almost angrily. Did she really believe that or was she just scared?! 

“Please don’t be mad,” she begged, brushing her hair from her forehead and staring down at me looking exacerbated and obviously knowing she had fucked shit up.

“I think I have to be, Karma,” she must’ve known that. By the looks of her she knew it.

“Please,” she begged again, pouting. I sat there feeling consternated with my mouth hanging open like a dumb idiot.

She leaned down and kissed me softly, looking me in the eye and smiling lightly.

“You feel good, I’m just an idiot,” she said, walking off toward the door, obviously upset with herself. She didn’t seem happy with herself. She seemed mad.

I couldn’t tell if it was what I did or what she did. Where did we go wrong?! Maybe we both fucked up…

Part II

The rest of the day felt like torture but with Karma gone at least I could ignore things and watch tv. I didn’t have to sit next to her and try not to think about how much I wanted to touch her. 

The more I tried to disappear into something fictional the more sad I became that my phone didn’t buzz and my front door didn’t open. We hadn’t left things in a good place. We’d done the opposite of that. I hugged Lauren’s stuffed dog to my chest and tried hard to keep myself from crying and feeling paranoid. I kept thinking, but what if Karma hates me now?

Around 8 o’clock I heard the latch of the front door unlock. I looked up from my place on the couch where I had been laying for several hours without movement.

“Hey,” Lauren said, seeing me.

“Hi,” I said, moving my eyes back to the tv. Lauren had been super sweet lately but she didn’t have to be worrying about me. She walked around to the couch and sat down at my feet, brushing her hair away from her back.

“Help?” She asked. I sat up and unzipped her dress for her. “Necklace?” I pulled the small chain from her neck and tried to undo it but it was so little and my stupid hands couldn’t get the tiny latch.

“Where’s Karma?” She asked.

“Apparently I’m not allowed to have the fire,” I groaned. I could smell Lauren’s delicate perfume and it made me smile because her stuffed dog smelt like that, gentle, pleasing, and soft. 

“What happened,” she asked, turning around.

“I kissed her, almost right after you left.”

“And?” She fiddled with the necklace herself, her eyes not leaving mine. I watched how effortlessly she could take it off herself but I didn’t mention it because it was sweet, nice of her to let me. I needed distractions, I needed contact with other humans. Lauren was starting to seem so sweet I almost wanted to cry just realizing these little things, like the smell of her dog and the feel of her bed and the way she worried about me even though she had no real reason too.

“I think she liked it at first but I ran my hand up her side and she stopped me.”

“How far up her side?” She cocked an intrigued eyebrow.

“Lets just say I was dangerously close her bra,” I said feeling idiotic.

“Amy,” she laughed. “Even if she had been your girlfriend she might not have been ready for that.”

“She slept with Liam! His hands have been all over her.” I crossed my arms feeling bitter and gross.

“That’s interesting though,” Lauren said, looking down and thinking with a queer smile.

“What is?”

“The kissing was fine but the hands?” She seemed happy to hear it. She nodded to herself as if she now knew something very telling. “How were you kissing her?” Lauren asked. “Show me.”

“What do you mean show you?”

“Use me,” she said. “How were you sitting.”

“Lauren, that’s stupid.”

“Oh come on, we’re sisters. If I’m going to try and analyze Karma’s state of mind I need to put myself in her shoes.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I smiled.

“I want to,” she smiled back, blushing.

“Fine,” I relented, standing up. “She was over there,” I said, pointing to the spot on the couch where I had just been. “She was eating strawberries and she tried to feed me one.”

“Of course she did,” Lauren said rather angered. She moved to the spot and sat there. “And then what?” She asked.

“Then,” I sighed. “She pulled me down by my wrist.” Lauren took her hand and pulled me down. 

“Like that?” She asked, locking her eye with mine.

“Yeah,” I gasped, laughing. 

“And then?” She was so close and so funny. I didn’t get it but her game was at least fun.

“Then I was mad about the strawberries and all I could think was fight fire with fire,” I scanned Lauren’s eyes. It was enough information to show her how I was feeling then, how I was ready to jump her bones and touch her in all of her places.

“So you looked at her like this?” Lauren asked.

“Yup, just like this,” I said, my heart speeding up. For some reason we were both staring at each other almost like it was a contest. It was serious but not, intriguing but important too. There was something great about it.

“And then?” Lauren asked, breaking my thoughts. I felt Lauren’s hand pull at me and then I fell. She leaned back and I caught myself just an inch from her lips, my body just close to touching hers and burying hers as I had burried Karma’s just hours before in that same very spot.

“Then I kissed her, like this,” I said, my breath catching, eyes scanning.

“Seems sexy,” Lauren gulped, looking down at my lips and smiling.

“It was,” I smiled lightly, staring at her lips then her eyes.

“Okay,” Lauren said, her cheeks were growing red. She sat up and pushed me back with her body first and then her hands. “If she let you get that close she really likes you.”

“But you let me get that close and you don’t want-”

“That’s besides the point,” she cut me off.

“How?!” She was so silly, all her theories seemed half-baked.

“IT’S NOT IMPORTANT!” She growled, standing up. “Come on,” she said walking off to her room.

I followed slowly. I liked Lauren now, I really did. The more time I spent with her like this the more I felt like we were actually friends, like really close friends. It was weird but nice. With everything going on with Karma I needed a friend.

“Sit,” Lauren said. She let her dress fall of her of and I watched her rummage for something comfy to wear in her underwear.

“Damn girl,” I said, joking. She had fancy underwear, small matching, lovely. She may have gone for 50’s housewife on the outside but beneath that classy veneer she was victoria secret model come-hither. 

“Okay, don’t be gay right now,” she said, pulling a pair of pink sweats from her dresser and hurrying to put them on. I didn’t feel that I was bothering her. She always rushed her movements, it was just her way.

“How was your date?” I asked. She had asked me all about Karma. I had ran her through it all. I hadn’t thought to ask once about the date.

“Eh, it was shit. He was weird. Just as I expected.”

“Ahh.. I’m sorry. That sucks.”

“It’s fine, you can’t force those things,” she said, wrapping her hair up in a messy bun and tieing it there with a hair-tie. She still hadn’t put a shirt on. “You’re staring,” she blushed, turning around.

“Sorry,” I said. Now that I knew I liked Karma it was like girls were starting to look hot to me. IT was never like that before but now. I chastised myself. EVEN LAUREN?! I thought. I mean, it’s not that she’s unattractive. She’s obviously attractive. She’s hot. I mean, I never saw her that way before. But now… 

BUT WE’RE SISTERS!!! I yelled at myself inside, tucking my arm around my waist and holding my stomach as it turned.

“You okay?” Lauren asked, noticing me as she turned around.

“It’s weird knowing I like girls,” I grumbled.

“It’s only weird because you’re letting yourself think that way.” She had pulled an old sweater on from her old school. It looked like it probably belonged to a boy, it was way too big for her.

“Yeah but, even now with you…”

“What?” She asked.

“I stare…” She was the one who noticed. 

“Amy, come on,” Lauren said. “It’s not weird at all if you’re attracted to me.”

“It is though.”

“I have a body, you have a body. I have thoughts in my head. You have thoughts in your head. People are attracted to other people. It’s not weird. If anything it’s chemical and much more natural than trying to fight an attraction.” She put her hand on my leg and my eyes opened wide. “Sorry,” she said, taking it back. “Maaaaaaybe I should’ve have done that little exercise out there,” she realized rather lately. We had been breathing so close to each other and I had wanted to just fall, just a little. I closed my eyes and flashed back to kissing Karma.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m in love with Karma anyway. Doesn’t matter how hot you are or how naked you get.” That made her smiled.

“See, its fine,” Lauren said.

“Can I sleep in here?” The thought of trying to sleep in my bed was absurd. It probably still smelt like Liam and sex and my own stinky desperation.

“Sure,” Lauren said. “Go change.”

“We don’t have to sleep now,” I said.

“I want to and you should.” It had been a long day. She knew it too. 

I tip-toed over to my room and stared for a long while at my phone, on the covers, just sitting there upside down. I wanted to know if she’d called. I wanted to know but I couldn’t take it if she hadn’t.

I stared and stared, wanting to cry. The tinkering intro of my cellphone ring woke me up from my dread. Someone was calling. Someone was. I stepped to my phone and turned it over feeling nervous. It was her. I hit the lil green answer button on the touch-screen and pressed the phone to my ear. Anything she could say could break me. I was so close to just breaking down anyway.


	6. So This Is Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's just something not right about this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this is probably the only chapter that is not in amy's pov*  
> *i kinda did that just to add some intense cooperfeld feels into this*  
> *i love both ships*

Chapter Seven  
So This Is Love?

Part I

As soon as Karma saw her she pulled her close and kissed her, moving her hand up into Amy’s hair and holding at the skin on her neck, pulling her closer and wanting her to be touching her right there, right then.

“Mmmm, whoa,” Amy said, pulling back from Karma and moving Karma’s hand off her neck. “Karma, whoa,” she said, wanting her to slow down.

“I know,” Karma said intently, her eyes searching Amy’s her chest high and floating, her mind in the stars.

“Are you okay?” Amy asked trying to stop her. Karma’s hand had been shaking and she was holding it.

“I couldn’t get here fast enough,” Karma said nervously. Amy took her hand and pulled her into her room, shutting the door.

When she turned around Karma was at her again, holding her close with a hand sliding under her shirt and pressing her close by her back. Amy felt her chest rise and her hands come down to pull Karma off of her and make her stop. When Karma came at her like that it was overwhelming. It was like those old cartoons of Pepe Le Pew, that crazy amorous skunk who just wanted to devour that poor confused kitten.

“What is this, what’s happening?!” Amy needed to know. She needed to know this wouldn’t just be a one-time thing.

“I wanna try. I wanna be with you,” Karma was almost begging with her eyes, almost pleading.

“Karma, you shouldn’t have to try.”

“You know what I mean!” Karma groaned, dropping her purse and turning around. She kicked her shoes off and threw her shirt off over her head in one swift motion.

“Whoa!” Amy said. She watched as Karma moved to unzip her skirt and wiggle out of it.

“Karma no!” Amy said, shouting.

“I thought, I thought you wanted this,” Karma said, walking close to grab her again. Amy’s hands came up to hold her off. She held at Karma’s wrists to stop her. Karma was already trying to remove her clothes and get her naked.

“This is fast Karma,” Amy suddenly felt like crying. It wasn’t real. She should’ve known. This couldn’t be real, not if it was rushed and impersonal and just skin on skin and a sexual experience without thought. This is how she and Liam had done it. Thoughtless. Emotionless. Just sex.

“What are you talking about?!” Karma moved her hands up to her ears and began taking off her earrings. Amy watched feeling nervous. She wanted Karma but not like this, not in a rush and as a result of a split-second decision to try.

“Karma no,” Amy said. As much as she wanted her something wasn’t right about it all.

“Hey, it’s just me,” Karma said, slowing it down for a sec and bracing Amy with her hands. She took her hand slowly up to Amy’s cheek and watched her for a second, moving in close to kiss her. The kiss was soft and sweet, it was slow unlike everything else. Amy felt Karma moving into her, pushing her back until the back of her knees hit the bed and she fell.

As soon as she fell she rolled. Karma was going to fall down on top of her. Instead Karma fell onto Amy’s comforter and turned around with a laugh.

“What are you doing? Why are you being weird?” Karma asked.

“This doesn’t mean anything to you,” Amy said hugging herself, tears rushing her eyes. She wanted to disappear. This couldn’t be happening. This was somehow worse than before. “I can’t believe this. This doesn’t mean anything.” She couldn’t fight it, the tears just came. Just when she thought she couldn’t possibly cry more the tears flooded her and came spilling out, dripping off her face and making her ill.

“Amy, no,” Karma said, getting up from the bed. She was just wearing her underwear and she felt like an idiot because she knew she had done something wrong. 

She walked to Amy but Amy stepped back. “Go. You have to go.” Amy said.

“Amy, why? It’s okay, we don’t have to do anything-”

“Go!” Amy yelled.

Across the hall Lauren had heard Amy yell. She got up from the bed, her heart tugging her to act. She opened her door and came out to knock for Amy.

“Amy? Are you okay?” She asked feeling worried.

“I’m not!” Amy cried, still hugging herself. “But I will be.”

“Amy…” Karma just stood there staring. She was dumbfounded. All she had wanted was to kiss her and kiss her hard. She thought that’s what Amy wanted. What was happening?! What was going on?! “We don’t have to do anything,” Karma said.

“I can’t be with you right now.” Amy said, wiping her face. She couldn't look at her, she couldn’t look at Karma not after that.

“But, what did I do?!” Karma asked feeling desperate. “Amy, tell me what I did.”

“You didn’t do anything, just go. I can’t…” She breathed in hard, the way she only did when the crying became too much to control. She couldn’t breathe she was having a panic attack.

Outside the door Lauren had been listening like a hawk.

“I’m coming in!” She yelled, hearing the sobs. She rushed to Amy and held her. From the state of things something had happened. Karma was almost naked but Amy was dressed. “What did you do?!” Lauren yelled looking over at Karma who was still standing there and wondering the very same thing herself.

“I dunno,” Karma said, tears rushing her, emotions taking her down. No matter what she did she was wrong, she was always wrong.

Lauren looked up at Amy and held her face. “It’s okay, it’s okay…” Lauren said, pulling Amy’s head onto her shoulder and holding her softly. “Come here…” Lauren said, she was crying now too. “Shhhh….” She whispered, holding her gently.

“I’m sorry,” Karma whined. She was apologizing but she had no idea what she did. She gathered her close and left, getting dressed in the living room alone amongst the sound of her own sobbing and her own confusion. She squeezed her eyes with her fingers and wished she could just be different. Everything was always so hard. 

When she left she sat in her car all night, never leaving. She didn’t know why but she couldn't go. She thought of Amy inside and cried. And she fell asleep in the backseat all alone.

 

Part II

Inside it was hard too. Lauren had known it had been too good to be true. How often does it happen that love is actually answered with love? 

She walked Amy into her room and laid her down on her bed, shutting the door and wrapping her tightly into the covers and into her arms.

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” she tried to comfort her but Amy was lost and crying hard, holding her so tight and refusing to let go. Lauren just lay there hoping she was at least some kind of help. 

It made everything worse that Lauren knew nothing of what happened. Karma had only been there for two minutes, that was all. In two minutes Karma was naked and Amy was crying to the point of hysterics. Lauren wasn’t sure what to do. 

She held her and pet her hair and she felt the tears on neck and her skin, Amy’s tears. It was overwhelming her, she wanted to cry too. Knowing not what to do she decided to try something. In the darkness and the quiet Lauren began to sing a song. She started slow and then began to sing faster as Amy quieted.

“You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me. You, have knocked me off my feet again and got me feelin’ like a nothing. You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard callin’ me out when I’m wounded. You, pickin’ on the weaker man.”

Somewhere in there Amy quieted and actually started to laugh.

“What are you doing?!” Lauren asked with a smile. “Are you making fun of me right now?!” Lauren stopped feeling angered.

“Are you seriously singing me Taylor Swift right now?!”

“Yeah, so, it worked,” Lauren smiled.

“Ugg, I love you,” Amy said, hugging her tight. She couldn’t imagine being alone right now. Lauren had made her laugh so hard after all that had happened.

“You’re such a jerk.” Lauren said.

“i know,” Amy said, still chuckling. “Keep singing.” Amy said. “Please.” She tucked her eyes into Lauren’s neck and realized that she was actually on top of her. They were so weird. She exhaled into Lauren’s neck and held at her with a hand on the other side.

Lauren sang and tried not to feel these feelings she was starting to feel. With Amy’s breath on her skin and her hand on her neck and her body on top of her and her arms holding her tight and her sweet smile so close and the way that she laughed and felt safe, all Lauren could think was, damn. Damn, damn, damn.


	7. Hey Good Girl, Get Out While You Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *the last chapter was probably the only chapter in this story that will be written out of Amy’s POV. I just wanted to add some Cooperfeld feels.*  
> *kinda blown away by the welcome reception for this fic but i love it and i will take it*  
> *Karma is an extremely misunderstood character and Karma and Amy are two very different people. that’s honestly why they are so fun to write. Amy could be thinking something and it’s something karma wouldn’t ever think. so the morning after the morning after is all about a misunderstanding like that.*

*the last chapter was probably the only chapter in this story that will be written out of Amy’s POV. I just wanted to add some Cooperfeld feels.*  
*kinda blown away by the welcome reception for this fic but i love it and i will take it*  
*Karma is an extremely misunderstood character and Karma and Amy are two very different people. that’s honestly why they are so fun to write. Amy could be thinking something and it’s something karma wouldn’t ever think. so the morning after the morning after is all about a misunderstanding like that.*

Chapter Eight  
Hey Good Girl, Get Out While You Can

Part I

When I opened my eyes the space seemed familiar. For a second I thought, this must be a dream. But then I stirred and felt that someone was underneath me. Someone soft and small and nowhere near the size of Liam.

I remembered two nights ago and felt my insides churn. I was still sore from that somehow but I had put that out of my mind yesterday. I couldn’t think about what I had done even though I felt the space where he had been almost constantly. No one else had ever been there…

“Oh, whoops,” I said, moving carefully to get off of her. When I did though, she rolled onto me and hugged me. She must’ve been asleep. “Oh boy…” I sighed, chuckling to myself. I moved her arm and got up. The light was streaming bright from the crack in Lauren’s blinds. Behind it I could vaguely make out the shape of Karma’s car parked outside on the street outside my house.

She was there. Had she stayed? Nervously I felt the remorse from how I had panicked and left things with her last night. What had happened had been a surprise. There was no doubt in my mind that I jumped head-first into my negative assumptions. Karma and me, we had always been different. So stupid. It was so so stupid of me to assume that she was rushing because she didn’t care. That wasn’t Karma. Karma always cared. 

Rushing is something I would do. But with anyone else, anyone who wasn’t her. She had never been like me. Not ever. Not in any way.

I clutched at my stomach and walked into my room. I would change. I had to see her. Had to explain.

Outside it was already beginning to get hot. I peered over at her car from the steps of my house feeling hesitant and idiotic and broken. Maybe it was stupid to try and explain. All talking has done until now is make everything more complicated. I thought it could help but now I’m wishing I could go back, rewind, retract that toast, keep my secret safe inside myself. I thought things had been complicated before but this…

I crossed the street and stared in through the window. She was there on the seat in the same outfit. The one she had worn last night. It was the outfit she tore off herself as she smiled excitedly and moved to touch me. Oh God, why am I remembering her smile right now? She was so fucking happy and shaking. It had been fast but those were, they were, strong feelings.

Maybe it had just been the circumstance though. Perhaps I wasn’t rash? Yeah Amy… Keep telling yourself that.

I knocked on the window and watched her wake. She woke unhappy and nervous as if sleep hadn’t even touched her at all. There was no relief and no confusion. She knew where she was and she remembered everything now, probably even better than she did last night right after it had happened. I saw her brows rise apologetically as she sat up and clicked the door, pushing it open.

“Amy,” she sighed. It was like saying hi but less happy and more desperate and it sounded a lot like saying the word good in response to something happening, something that was unexpected but necessary.

“You slept out here?!” And just when I thought I couldn’t possible feel worse…

“How are you?” She asked. And those were her first words. Tenderly asked might I add. Fucking kill me. Just fucking hit me with a shovel. Throw me out. I am scum. I am trash. I am rubble. 

“Crazy. Stupid. Emotional. A horrible friend.” I whined, turning to sit down on the grass bank by the car.

“Oh sweetie, no,” she got up, moving sleepily out of the car to comfort me. How could she actually call me sweetie at a time like this? The last thing I did was reject her body and yell at her to leave. What the fuck was I on?!

“No Karma, I’m the worst. When I think of-” I stopped myself. She sat by my side and held me by the shoulders.

“Amy, it’s fine,” Karma said.

“It’s not!” I flipped, standing up. “It’s not fine. We-” I moved my hands between us as she stood to. “We are not fine. This isn’t what fine looks like. Fine was two years ago. Fine was watching Twilight in a movie theater and laughing and throwing popcorn. Fine was waking up and knowing I’d see you and we’d make each other smile. This isn’t that. We’re no longer that. This is not that!” The words tumbled out of me like venom. I watched them bite her and take hold. I watched as her body relaxed into defeat, losing all of its hopefulness and will.

“Karma, say something,” I said. I was shaking again. I wished that would fucking stop happening. I wished I could control my words and my body and all the things I was thinking. That would make life easy. That could fix it all.

She shook her head like she did at the wedding. “I can’t,” she said, tears stinging her eyes. It was just like before on the wedding night. I could never see that face again without also hearing those words, just not like that. 

That face now meant incomprehensible pain. Fathomless. A well of: I can’t. There was so much “I can’t” in that face that if it could somehow turn into liquid I would drown instantly and right where I stood.

“Do you want to come inside?” What else could I say?

“I better go home. My mom’s probably worried.”

“I can call her?” I offered.

“Fine,” she said, looking just as broken as I felt. But she didn’t take my hand when we walked and she hugged herself even though it was warm.

I was really starting to hate the fact that it was summer.

 

Part II

I let her sleep on my bed and I even watched her for a little while. Lauren came to check on me once. She seemed surprised and annoyed to see Karma in my bed and me just sitting there by her side like Karma was ill and/or dying. She was right though, it felt dire and it wasn’t. Karma wasn’t dying, and neither was I, but it did feel like we were losing each other one big piece at a time. 

I needed to calm down and breathe. Say less, feel less, become less. I needed to become myself again but how could I even do that? How can you go back once everything has changed? 

I felt it again, that place where Liam had been. There had been blood when I woke up. I didn’t tell anyone that. I googled stuff though and I guess it was normal. I’m a paranoid person. The urge to go to a doctor just in case was beginning to eat at me. But I couldn’t tell my mom… Not this.

“Lauren?” I snuck out for a sec and tip-toed into Lauren’s room. 

“Hey,” Lauren said. She was flipping through one of those humongous fashion magazines with a billion adds in it and listening to Carrie Underwood. Again.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said, sitting up. I sat down next to her and wondered how to ask.

“You know I slept with Liam right?” 

“Unfortunately,” she hid a strange blush.

“Well… He was my first,” I began.

“Okay…” She probably wondered why I was talking to her.

“I… I dunno…” I said. “It’s just, there was blood and I think I should go to a doctor.”

“Holy shit! Amy?! WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING YESTERDAY?!” She yelled.

“I dunno, I was trying to ignore it?” 

“Yeah! Jesus! Of course! By all means! LET’S JUST IGNORE IT!” She hit herself in the forehead to sarcastically demonstrate my own stupidity.

“Has anyone ever told you that you are fucking terrifying?!” She asked.

“Not really, no,” I laughed awkwardly. “Why?”

“You’re like a little kid. You shouldn’t be having sex. You shouldn’t even be going outside!”

“Oh, and you should be?” I asked defiantly. I was no more ridiculous than her. Right?

Okay, maybe I was a little bit more ridiculous and dumb and childish. Lauren never would’ve slept on an impulse to go to the doctor. But I had done that.

“Shut up,” Lauren said point-blank. She got up from the bed and googled something on her computer.

“So…”

“Give me your phone,” she ordered, holding out her hand.

“Okay,” I shrugged, handing it over. She took it and quickly dialed a number she had seen on her screen. “What are you doing?” I asked nervously.

“Shhh,” she said. “Hi, yes. I need and appointment with an OBGYN.” I gasped. “Amy Raudenfeld.” She said my name. “Uh-huh, yeah. No just a check-up.” I couldn’t believe her. “3:30?” She looked over at me questioning. I just covered my face with my hands, this was the worst. “Sounds good,” she said. And like that it had been done.

“LAUREN!” I yelled. I laid back on her bed. Just then Karma peeked through the door knocking lightly.

“So, is she going to take you or am I going to have to do that as well?” Lauren asked.

“Take you where?” Karma asked sadly. She still seemed defeated and dazed.

“It’s nothing,” I tried to say.

“Obgyn,” Lauren bit. 

“LAUREN!” I yelled. There were no secrets I guess. No secrets.

“Obgyn? What? Why? Is this…” I saw as worry flushed her face.

“No-” I said. This was not why I had turned her away last night and sent her out of the house.

“Well, she was a virgin,” Lauren stated. She was scribbling something down on a piece of paper.

“Amy?” Karma asked looking worried.

“Its fine,” I tried.

“Did he?! Are you okay?” She looked like she was about to burst into tears again.

“Oh, calm down drama queens.” Lauren stood up and walked over to Karma. She pressed a note to Karma’s chest and Karma grabbed it. “Planned Parenthood. 3:30.” Then she turned to me. “If she doesn’t take you I will.”

Then she walked out of her room leaving the both of us there.

“Amy, can we please talk about this?” Karma begged.

“It’s not a big deal,” now I was the one hugging myself.

“If he hurt you, it actually is.” She said.

“He didn’t” I tried. “I mean, when you …” I stopped myself. “When you and he…”

“Amy, what?” She walked close and grabbed my hand.

“Was there blood?” I asked.

“No.” She looked at me nervously. “Amy, no. There was no blood.”

“I mean, I read it’s normal.” I covered. “I never really did anything before so…”

“Oh,” Karma said, her eyes closing tight in embarrassment and relief. “I did, I guess,” she confessed thinking back. “Alone.” She made sure to say.

I didn’t know what to say. The admission was too embarrassing for words.

“Well, okay then,” we both laughed.

“Still think you’re such a perv?” She smiled. I could tell she was trying not to look at me. She must’ve known her eyes on mine made me uncomfortable. Especially given the subject matter.

“A little bit…” I couldn’t help laughing though.

“It feels so good to hear you laugh,” she smiled. Her hand felt tender in mine and just right. It always did.

“Is it too weird? Can you take me?” Making my best friend take me to the doctor after I slept with her boyfriend? Now, this was a new low.

“Oh God! Of course I’ll take you.” Karma forgot we had been having a discussion. It was good to hear her laugh too. “I’m not going to make you go through that with Lauren,” Karma said. 

I wanted to say, shut up about Lauren, but I didn’t. Karma couldn’t know. She couldn’t know that Lauren was actually sweet and helpful and the perfect friend to have in a disaster. She couldn’t know because it hadn’t happened to her. She hadn’t been through it. She hadn’t been there.

“I like her,” I decided to say.

“Okay,” Karma relented, accepting it as a must-be fact. If I liked something she always wanted to like it too. Her eyes softened and she smiled. “I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about this stuff.” There was so much stuff I wasn’t even sure what she was referring to. “I want to be here for you,” she said.

“And you have been” I said. “It’s just been weird.” She couldn’t be. I couldn’t talk to her, not without Lauren.

“I know,” she said. It had been weird.


End file.
